


I Wish I Could Forget

by SecretSingerOfAll



Series: Endless Dreams [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Episode: s03e16 Altar of Mortis, Episode: s03e17 Ghosts of Mortis, Gen, Mortis (Star Wars), Mortis Arc, Not A Fix-It, anakin whump, implied/referenced attempted forced suicide, well not yet anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 09:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretSingerOfAll/pseuds/SecretSingerOfAll
Summary: In which Mortis lasts longer in a bad way, and Anakin struggles with the fallout.





	I Wish I Could Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! My first fic here!
> 
> Hilariously, this was originally just a vent projected on Ani. It… kind of evolved.
> 
> This is gonna be a series and I hope you enjoy!

Ahsoka doesn’t remember, and that’s Anakin’s one comfort.

 

She doesn’t remember.

 

Anakin does, of course. Her glowing, golden eyes. Her soul, smothered.

 

Being pulled, eventually, right alongside her.

 

The Son is dead, now. Gone. All of Mortis could easily be passed off as a dream.

 

But not for Anakin. He still has two scars along his side, scars right alongside the new waving patterns of electricity.

 

It doesn’t hurt, per se. More like… echoes. The days on Mortis had always felt odd, but they had been there nearly a month.

 

Rex said that it had been mere moments.

 

Moments.

 

Moments don’t describe the Dark Side itself in his head. Controlling him. Completely. They don’t describe the Son’s sick amusement in having Ahsoka hurt him.

 

For whatever reason, the Son couldn’t erase him completely.

 

Nor could the Father.

 

So Anakin? He remembers everything. He remembers the vision that finally broke him, and he remembers almost killing Obi-Wan.

 

Almost.

 

He knows that Obi-Wan would also remember, but not the things that Anakin does.

 

Obi-Wan doesn’t remember being trapped in his own head, some parts of him even agreeing that the Son is right.

 

Obi-Wan doesn’t remember the discovery of a future of terror.

 

Or…

 

Well, some things, Anakin decides to erase from his memory.

 

He says that he doesn’t remember it.

 

He goes on, however. Missions. Propaganda. Paperwork. Training Ahsoka. Spending time with Padme.

 

Grinding his teeth as the Council chastises him for saving lives because he did it with his own loyalty, rather than compassion. Or whatever the bullshit of the day is.

 

There’s always something.

 

There’s Umbara, and Anakin all but rampages to fight the aftermath, but it’s only a month later that he goes to Zygeria, sells himself as a slave despite everyone’s protests because he knows how to play the part, and then that’s  _ real _ for a week-long eternity. And then Obi-Wan fakes his death and Anakin falls apart and he will  _ never _ forgive his Master, ever.

 

And all of it weighs on him far too much.

 

He knows he’s worrying those that love him, but he can’t tell them what, tell them why.

 

He has more questions than answers, himself.

 

(For the life of him, he can’t place the Sith Lord from the vision - no, the  _ memories _ that the Son had shown to him.)

 

It hurts, to pull away and alone. But it’s easier, that way.

 

He doesn’t stay the night at Padme’s, too at risk of nightmares that could scare her. Because, strong as she is, nobody should know what Anakin remembers. Ahsoka. Himself. The memories.

 

He can’t forget them, and he finds himself trapped.

 

He doesn’t speak to Obi-Wan at all unless required to. Obi-Wan had betrayed his trust, and Anakin… maybe, if he’d not been so broken, he might have forgiven Obi-Wan, eventually.

 

But Anakin is barely holding on, and knowing that Obi-Wan  _ used  _ that?

 

That’s unforgivable.

 

Ahsoka… she’s the hardest to face, yet she’s also the only one that he can’t ignore.

 

She asks him about Mortis, once. What she doesn’t remember.

 

Anakin says that the Son used her. And he leaves it at that.

 

Or he tries to.

 

Until one night, during a nightmare, his shields fail.

 

Anakin had requested and been permitted a room reassignment long ago, so Obi-Wan wasn’t near… but Ahsoka was.

 

He wakes sobbing, and he immediately realizes.

 

Ahsoka confronts him the next morning.

 

“What happened on Mortis, Anakin?” she asks. “I want the entire truth.”

 

Anakin just shakes his head.

 

“Ahsoka there are some things that should be forgotten,” he says. “This is one of them.”

 

Ahsoka is quiet for a good long moment, but then she say it.

 

“But you haven’t forgotten,” she says. “Have you?”

 

And Anakin… no, he hasn’t. He hasn’t even been able to stop dwelling on it. It tears at his mind. A future that he’s sworn won’t come true. The mysterious Sith Lord who turned him’s still unknown face. Lightsaber burns on his side and the Son saying that there were some promises always that he kept. Ahsoka with her own saber to her chest. A vision. Giving in. Weeks of being controlled.

 

The Son, dead.

 

Ahsoka, dead.

 

The Daughter dead and then Ahsoka alive again.

 

So all Anakin cad do is sigh and whisper his next words.

 

“No,” he says. “I can’t.”

 

“Then tell me what I saw last night,” Ahsoka says. “Please, Master.”

 

Anakin just shakes his head again.

 

“I’m sorry, Ahsoka,” he says. “I can’t do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t worry, this WILL be a fix-it.


End file.
